Holding on to the past is like trying to breathe life into a dead body that has already breath its last. It's the pain to revive it even when you know that it's gone and now all that remain are memories of the times spent together. Curtains down, one act of the play is over. The stage is empty temporarily for new and existing characters to take on their role.
No one is singled out here. We've all had our share of losses but yet how we handle them is what defines the rest of the course of our life.
Not letting go of the past or inability to overcome the past is like being caught in the vortex of the time warp that holds you enmeshed within it but there is no way out unless you wanna remain in the black hole forever or you wanna make an endeavor to step out of it. Its been a year less than a decade since I lost my dad but the mere thought of him or any family moments of get togetherness or any cross roads brings back his flooding memories rife with pain insane. Life has moved on without him, I have changed but the girl child within me continues to hold on to her dad in her continuing life's journey; all this while being unsure if he is even there watching over. Such is the mayhem in my mind..!!
I know it's entrapment and I'm stuck; I'm inflicting pain on me, myself where I've reached a stage of being both the victim and the attacker. It is not voluntarily. Some incidents do happen in our lives where we hold onto the past instead of past holding onto us..!! Why? I am still seeking answers. Is there a way to quantify loss? NO. There isn't any. Can what's gone forever especially death ever come back? NO. Why then do we keep pinning for it that it will someday..?? Replaying his last day to which I was witness to over and over again is an act I've no control on. Was there anyway, I could change that fateful day to make him live a little longer all when he kept saying he wanted to live and there I was helpless unable to do anything. This has been the biggest failure of my life. Come what may, I cannot infuse life into my dad and bring him back. Yet, I feel trapped in this bondage. Why? I have no frigging clue..!!
Life showed me a different facet of life that I was oblivious to all along. What matters, what do not, how people change, how relations change, who sticks through, who understands, what really matters, all of it..!!
But, one thing is absolutely certain you can never completely overcome your past because it surmises the person you've transformed to be today. It is up to you to decide whether to keep the doors of your heart closed to it, live within the boundaries or remain stuck in it.
We can’t put the past on rewind, pause or forward for there are no buttons in life.