Thursday, April 28, 2011

The "I" factor

Have you observed or realized that we all have an other side to us? I have. There are so many times that we toggle between the two and that is where the complexity in our life begins.

It all begins with the "I" and the dream or the belief that we feel which would help us create our own identity. In our journey of defining the "I"; we come across many junctures where we have to take decisions. While these decisions have life impacting changes on us, we fail to realize the gravity of it until much later. A second factor that we come across is relations. I find relations to be very wierd. While we take some seriously, we look through/take light the rest. All of us tend to do the same. This "looking through" process when one is serious and the other is not is what causes the heartburn and the negativities that follow. The third factor is our quest to earn and make money and fast track our career/business. The more we earn, the merrier and no amount is enough at the end of the day. Most of us end up compromising on our core integral values (the one with which we started our journey on) and go through a value change process at this level or re-align ourselves to the fetid realm called the "WORLD". This is actually the breakaway point. The fourth factor is our tendency to please one and all to avoid unpleasantries. Whether we actually want to do it or no, is another aspect but the fact remains. Again, we do so till a point and one fine day when our endurance limits reach their threshold point, we just give it up and move on not caring a damn about it thereby creating further complexities. Only if, we would do this pre-emptively and not fall prey to it..!!

In the midst of all this melee, we end up taking too many things for granted and end up with identity crisis in the 30s wondering where did our life go by? What did we actually do all along? I, too, walked the same path.

In my quest to identify my true calling recently when I suffered from identity crisis, I happened to trip on this reality of duality. It baffled n' stuck me hard as to why had I not realized this earlier. It would have saved a lot of damage that I had self-induced being ignorant of this reality check. Being one who doesn't belong to the cult of looking back n' repenting; I have decided to now be consciously aware about this existence and see how best I can leverage on it.

On a side note, my quest for finding out my true calling turned out to be "The Zahir" of my life. At one time; I seemed completely possessed by it unable to concentrate on anything else.

Zahir for those who are unaware according to Paulo Coelho is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else.

The moment, I realized what my calling was, I felt an immense sense of liberation as if I am born again.

finally ~
I felt intoxicated
intoxicated with life
for the first time ever
I sensed myself clean within
n' it felt within my soul
for once ~
I embraced my life, dearly
for by now I had realised
that I am a free spirit,
who has been born again..!!

Saturday, April 9, 2011


What is FREEDOM.??
It is the ability to deliberate or weigh alternatives and make choices of our own on our own. Decision is akin to making incisions to the deepest level possible of every available alternative without any fear or worry. Having done this it becomes easier to seive what really matters to us from what doesn't.

Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered.
There was no one there.

Speaks volumes, doesn't it? Such is Life. It is all about making one decision after another which makes us who we are..!!

So, how important is freedom? Let me tell you, it is bloody hell important to each one us. Let go off this and the journey thereon will be a series of debacles and heart burn.

When I make a decision, I withdraw into my shell (Yes, I'm a typical cancerian.!!) cut off all alternatives and make a choice and having done that then I do not look back in life ever. There have been numerous cross-roads in my life that made me halt, pause my life and forced me to take a call and I did. Was this easy? NO. Could I avoid? NO. I had to get myself in control in totality, weigh my situation and decide. Were my decisions always right? NO. But, whenever they were not there was always an experience, a learning that helped me in the long run. No matter how much the rest of the world disagrees with me; I continue to think of life in extremes. For me, decisions in life have to be conclusive, either black or white. The grays are what complicate life. Being a Technologist, I would say, life indeed is binary: 0 or 1.

In the very recent, I stepped into a different world thinking as most of us do that the other side is greener than the patch we are in but after spending sometime in this world, I realized that I couldn't adapt and align myself to this farce stricken world, come what may. It was killing me from within. I felt as if I was sinking into a never ending vortex till I mustered all of the little will left within me to take control of myself and make sense of the situation. No one else could do it for me. I had to do it for myself. This is one more truth of life. You alone are responsible for you and your life. No one else is. It took me long to deliberate, ponder, weigh and make the choice. I opted to step outta that world. Had I lingered any longer, I would have self-destructed myself. The moment I had taken this decision; I felt so light hearted. Words fall short of expressing the feeling I felt. It was one of absolute bliss and sheer freedom that made me feel exalted and gave me back my power. The power to maneuverer life my way. Today, I enjoy my life like never before (in the recent one year which has been most traumatic for me). Out of experience, I can say for sure, happiness is just a state of mind and it lies within us to seek it even in the midst of all chaos surrounding us.

I end this blog in my signature style with my verse...
There's fascination of things to come,
Can't stop now, can't go slow,
I am feeling a sense of freedom, above all,
I know this in essence is my life's true call..!!