Thursday, October 30, 2014

Uprooting, Settling n' Uprooting Again...

For the first time in my life; I uprooted myself from my homeground of 3+ decades and moved to another city to pursue work opportunity. Little did I know that my lifespan was only of 5 months in this unknown city.

Uprooting myself for the first time was an experience in itself juxtaposed with so many cluttered thoughts that I had to sieve them all to reach its simplicity base. Once, clear, I packed up and moved on and did not look back. It did not end there. The spirit of my homeground had accompanied me. Everywhere there in the unknown city, I looked for a spirit or shade of my home ground but found none. The city had a mind and code of its own and was unwelcoming in every aspect. Nature always conspired to give me signals that I "UnBelonged" here. I acknowledged them, time to time but I did not want to give-in before I gave my whole to it. 

I paused my personal expectations from this place. Emotions locked; I nose dived at work from day one as I had taken my decision to give it my best. This is one city that dates back by an eon as compared to rest of India in terms of technology. What appaled me most was the insensitivity, listlessness and lethargy of my colleagues at work. No amount of motivation could get them to step up and perform. they were comfortable being couch potatoes. Their lassitude continued to pose as a challenge which I battled hard, on day on day basis. You can only help people who are willing to help themselves and then you got to leave them on their own. To add to it, the red tapes of working in a larger than life umbrella group was maddening. It was sheer crab mentality. Instead of helping me in my unflinching endeavors to reach new heights, boost performance; they excelled in killing initiatives and projects by raising endless objections instead of coming up with workable solutions. "The Laws of the land have changed for the month of October" is one googly that a Senior Management colleague threw on me. Must say, they were foolish enough to think, this would fly with me and that I would buy this crap. This was the state of affairs in that corporate.  
End Result - The corporate ended up cannibalizing their own returns.

After being on a relentless pursuit single handedly since the onset; I reached my snapping point. I was spent. 

Few days of deep, rational, logical thinking and, yet, another firm decision later, I was packing my bags once again, to uproot myself and return to my family. Back to my roots. Oh! What a sense of relief and peace. Words fail to express the exalt of this homecoming of mine.

Home is truly where your heart is, in the midst of your family. Mine is in Bombay. 

Salaam Bombay..!!P.S. My respect for all those friends of mine who literally live in their bags has grown manifold.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Stranger in an Unknown City - Part I

I always longed to know and feel how it felt like to be a stranger in an unknown city. My wish was granted when I got an opportunity that forced me to relocate to a city, I had never visited before.

But what unfolded was totally unexpected..!! 

Having been bred in a city that is a destination dream for millions of people; the city had given me a lot. I believe somewhere during my lifetime, the city became a part of me; something that I never realized before. Stark realization, must say..!! 

The pangs crept in when I had to pack and had to decide what I would take with me and what I would leave behind while moving to my new place of abode. Suddenly, I found myself caught in the midst of nowhere. In the last few years, I had moments where I thought, I was done to death with this city and had nothing left but this was not how I felt now..!! After endless conversations with my inner self; I realized it was only memories that I could take with me and nothing else. What the city had was intangible; its spirit could not be captured in anything. This moment of truth was hard for me..!!

Just before I could board my flight; the time on my watch stopped. It was uncanny; it stunned me. I believe Mother Nature had started showing me signs and this was just the beginning. The city wasn't leaving me and I did not want to leave it, too, yet I had to. I moved on. Bottling my emotions within me, I opened my arms to the city that was unknown to me. I decided to give time, time to show a clearer picture to me. I was anonymous here. I knew no one here and nobody here knew me. The comfort of anonymity felt nice for a while. I wandered on and on. I explored places like never before. While I was doing this, I was alerted by the signs nature consipred for me.Every sign led to just one conclusion. "I did not belong here." May be it was all in my thoughts, may be it wasn't..!! In return to the open arms that I had extended to this city; I did not get any embrace. Everything around here feels strange. People are weird; their attitude, weirder. Their value system and mindsets go back by eons. It eventually comes across as a "Outsiders not welcome here" kind of city. I feel lonely even when I am in a crowd and this loneliness is of a different nature. It can't be expressed in words. Every passing moment, I experience the feeling of being "UnBelonged" here.

I am done with experiencing what it feels like being a Stranger in an Unknown City. Now, I long to return to my home in the city of my calling. When this will happen, I do not know but I will put in my all and not stop till I am in my own nest experiencing the feeling of being belonged, once again..!!

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Forced to rethink..!!

Life has been a blend of the good and bad. 

I let the events in my life shape me which I shouldn't have allowed in the first place. My life began and ended with the responsibilities life bestowed on me. I don't know when making both the ends meet and keeping everyone around me happy became the sole purpose of my life. I valued certain relations far more than they deserved to such an extent that I did not value my own existence. I am not an anti social person but somewhere when the tide turned tough, I found respite in the confines of solitude. I don't exactly remember when and how I had become an observer outside my core and watched life pass by. Had it not been for a recent spate of incidents that shook me vigorously and forced me to rethink on all aspects of my life, I would have continued remaining an empty and hollow person that I had turned out to be. 

Sometimes I guess you only have to take a step back and realize what's important in your life, what you can live with but more importantly, what you can't live without. Now that I have decided to get the bearings of my life back, I fervently hope I get it right this time..!!

Zendagi Migzara...