Friday, December 23, 2011

TO EACH HIS OWN


It's really strange.. how one fine day when someone who has been a part of your life for long and is really close to you, just walks out of your life abruptly leaving you shocked, speechless n' high and dry with some vague reasoning created of their own mindset. Are true relations so frivolous? Are the foundations so weak??

True meaningful relations in life should only be formed when the base premise is that of TRUST and COMMITMENT for they have to be nurtured and cared to survive and thrive all the zeniths and nadirs of life. As long as this realm exists, the relation is blessed with harmony n' bliss. When relations are taken lightly, no amount of sacrifice n' efforts can salvage the damage done. It is in such times that it is better to let go and move on. There is no point in chaining someone when he/she doesn't want to. Relations are like holding sand in your palm. You try to grip them and you never know when they slide away from in between the gaps of your fingers. Every relation is a highway where the feelings and respect have to be mutual. Is being a patient listener with whom one can share uninhibitedly, a guide/mentor, a shoulder to lean on, a warm hug with real concern and regular touch asking for too much, eh..??

In this competitive world with its rapid pace of life that we all live in, there are enough situations that get us on our nerves and all that we expect at the end of day is space for ourselves. Yes, as individuals, we all need our space but at the same time we also need to understand that so does our friend/family/life partner/et al. It is essential to strike a balance here. The rigmaroles of life leave us in a rampant chaotic realm of which only we have to make some semblance and get it grounded to have some form of control over it.If we continue to live in our spaces, soon the world will be filled with emotionless head strong loners who would know how to handle the world but not how to handle the family and friendship realm as it would be an impasse to them.

To add to this, in our everyday lives, quite frequently, we feel surrounded by people who claim to be friends but are in fact false/fake friends. They just lurk around you, give you momentary boost of confidence to win you through for some hidden agenda of theirs, gain insights of you and then walk all over you once the deed is done. You cannot stop them until and unless you've evaluated them and the time that you take for this evaluation is what would leave you with a fresh set of memories to handle. It's all a part of life and we cannot avoid it, come what may..!!

The solution lies in being true, transparent, having faith and being loyal. Even the so-thought real friends who have managed to be there for you and you for them for years and years eventually end up failing you on some deep level that swears you off friendship/relation forever. Phew! Such break ups leave an indelible imprint in your mind, the impact of which you alone know..!!

No point sulking or trying to win them back again. You've to LET GO. Bottom line is you have to take it all in your stride and MOVE ON for in the end it is always true that "TO EACH HIS OWN".


Friday, December 16, 2011

The 3 C's of our life: Circumstances, Choices n' Consequences

No matter the circumstances life presents to you there are always choices. It is when you say you have no choice there no longer will be one.
~ Marty Ness ~

Ever notice how some people go through really tough times and come out enlightened, better and stronger, while others end up embittered, shallow and defeated..?? The difference lies in how they respond to what happens to them; what choices they make in life for in the end it is these very choices that shape their lives.

En route life's journey of all the trials, tribulations, jubilation, surprises, heart-burn and amusement that life offers is; you have to realize that life is roller coaster journey with a mind set of its own. You could face circumstances where you would be at the receiving end of things right, left and center. It could also snow ball if not handled it rightly with efficacy. An ideal way would be to act as a realist and step back to weigh the situation in hand, think through and then make a conscious choice; consequences of which you must be ready to face head on. Not that we are super beings here but there would be times when you would yield to circumstances, too but that again is only due to the choice that you've taken as you're bereft of will to fight back or handle the situation then. There is no point in blaming others for an act of your own doing. Just remember, it is not a permanent state; it is transient and time plays a crucial role here.

The three C's of our life: Circumstances, Choices and Consequences. Off these, circumstances and choices are intertwined such that you cannot give them an order of precedence. What values you choose? What rules of nature you choose to follow and amongst what kind of people and environment you live-in give rise to your circumstances. Where at one end of the coin, you will find circumstances forcing you to make choices bringing you at cross roads where you've to take the call on how you want to link your past to the future in the living present. Future isn't something pre-ordained, it is what you create in the living present. Both scenarios are true and exist within the paradigms of each one of our lives. Consequences are a mere outcome of what choices we make and it is solely unto us to own responsibility for it in entireity. Owning up is a way forward towards living life freely (read guilt and sympathy free) and uninhibitedly.

Every passing moment presents you with a set of circumstances in which to make a choice. Once you make that choice, it leads to another spectrum of circumstances for you to make yet another choice. This pattern will exist as long as you live. You must learn from your past experiences of all the the prior choices you made and the consequences you underwent and apply it along with your present maturity to this new set of circumstances. The idea is to let go of the past. Backspace a little, observe, create your own space, open your mind to new possibilities and horizons, travel the roads less taken, accept challenges, take risks just to stimulate you, awaken and empower the will power within you to realize your goals and dreams. Nothing can stop you from leading a balanced life until "YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE UP!" You'll like your new-found state of contentment and stay rest assured, you would never want it to let it go due to circumstances being against your scheme of things. Why? Simply because such state of being is exhilarating and the sense of freedom n' power akin stands tall above all.

This is how you create and build a life.

It's TIME, you get up n' get real
It's TIME, you define the "I" in "YOU"
It's TIME, you create your own life
It's TIME, you live your life anew..!!


Saturday, December 10, 2011

Lost in translating Life..!!

Oh! How I wish I could backtrack my steps before moving forward any more. Maybe not so much retrace, either, as relive but to set straight certain matters which I should have way back then. What if life could be controlled by a remote, then no understanding would have been required at all; it would just be a series of clicks ..?!

As a realist, I know that I cannot backtrack for the rules of nature are not as such but I can certainly pause  the "NOW" to surmise and comprehend the situation that I have in hand for I'm feeling lost in the translation of understanding the dynamics of life (a journey, I embarked upon couple of years back).
The realm of life is such a vast expanse that even the timeline of a lifetime seems hell short of coping up with the pace of time to make sense of the reality of reality. Come what may we can only learn life backwards and live it forwards. There are no rooms for making repetitive mistakes; either learn from the first time you erred or learn from observing those around you.

The transformation from Newtonian kind of thinking to mechanical thinking has wrecked each one of us. Why did we stop questioning like he and his cult did? Why do we simply gulp and get into the flow of what is offered or give up? There is only one lifetime, then why are we behaving like such headless chickens scattering and scampering away as the rest do? It is this very observation that disturbs my mind extensively. 

Understanding the dynamics of life is best when you view it through the prism by role playing as an observer in your own life. How much of learning you can have depends on how much of  information your mind can gauge and imbue. Sometimes thinking too much also causes stress and clutters our mind with so many thoughts and realizations that it is difficult to sift through what you really endeavor to seek.

End Result: Withdrawal symptoms of going back into a shell.

To just react impulsively is like having a free falling back from the cliff with your arms outstretched. You do not know whether you'll be grabbed in between and saved or be shattered to smithereens.

I still struggle when at crossroads and am left with choices. How do I know which one is right for me? I can ponder over it for my whole life or just make a choice and walk that path to see if that's the path I want to be in else I'll have to take a U-turn and go the other way round. But, what do you do when there are multiple choices? Try them all, eh? Who on earth has the luxury of so much time at their disposal? Atleast, I do not. Every sojourn leaves its imprint in me and being the person who doesn't forget, the impact lasts longer than desired. Now, whether it is good or bad is not something worth debating over. But, whenever I feel exalted and numbed, a state-of-being akin to my emotions put in a blender where no words can express the feelings I feel; I wish I wouldn't take this quest of mine so seriously and live just a moment at a time. Instead of getting lost in translating life, I've decided to to live life by one rule.. If it happens, it happens.. I'm not stressing over this stuff anymore..!!

Now on, reinforced... I will believe in what I do and I will only do what I truly believe in.


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Dealing with the "use" friendly world..!!

As Jack Welsh, once truly said " Control your destiny or somebody will."

Your ESSENCE, the innermost core of you is what is YOU in real.

In this "use" (anyone to you convenience) friendly world; its likely you would be the victim if you do not realize the value of your essence and shield it.

How often have you heard the phrase "I was/felt used"? How often have you realized, people get magnetized to you only when they need you else you do not exist in their world? Answer is YES, many times, right..?? It can get triggered anywhere: home, workplace, friends, relations. Name it and you will see an instance of it in some person's life.Why does this happen? No one is to be blamed here. The predator needed a victim and you were vulnerable enough to become its prey. It was your own conscious choice then why blame the world? You chose to be trampled upon. Blame yourself. Its a man-eat-man world where we all live in and Darwin's theory of "Survival of the fittest" holds true till date. There is no point displaying vindictive anger or being traumatized or turmoil/anguish after the deed is done.You can't unwind TIME. Reality check of life, eh..??!!

"This person/perception/situation is uncomfortable in my life". When you think about them and stomach tightens and you get this sensation all over that feels very uncomfortable - and you associate that feeling with that person then just walk away from that person or "erase" the perception from your predator's mind or handle the situation and set the equations right as they should be. There are always bumps in the road of life but they all end up making you stronger as you go along.

To develop a masterpiece, you can ADD or REMOVE materials. Painting adds paint to a canvas, sculpting chips away unneeded stone and finely with immaculate expression given vent in shapes and colors the MASTERPIECE is created.

You've all the power in you to be impenetrable, escapable and unyielding to any force trying to overpower you. Be ecstatic, beatific and protective about the real YOU. Nothing in the world can touch it and torment it unless you grant the permission for this rampage and turmoil that could erode you within. The moment you surmise that you have nothing to lose, nothing to look forth to that is unwelcoming, nothing in the past that will bind you and there are no boundaries limiting you; that's the point when you've complete control over your life n' you can steer free ahead without an iota of doubt or hesitation... that's just when you're the CAPTAIN of your own ship; the AUTHOR of your own book.

I conclude with a quote from Barbara De Angelis "No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change."



Sunday, December 4, 2011

Is what we want to accomplish, what we want really..?!

A recently released film that I watched today, forced me to think on these lines once again and pre-empted me to write this blog...

Most of us don’t even know what we want. We think we do, but in reality we do not. Have you ever tried to ponder, sit down and list them all and been able to do it all..??!!

In a little more than a decade, the whole face and shape of our lives have changed in such a fierce rapid pace and I don't know how many amongst us have realized this..??

In the materialistic radar, we act frenzied and run behind material possessions and gains which take us to a surreal world where everything is either superficial or fake and short-lived leaving us bereft of real emotions and lust for money, name, fame, success n' it's ilk? We short change our value system inculcated in us by our parents and alma mater to win the race or raise the bar, whatever the situation be. It gives a kick, doesn't it? I am not saying money is not important. It is a necessity to a larger extent but it is not "the be all and end all". We must know where to draw the line for while money is definitely essential but it is also the root of all evil.

In the family radar, we feel providing the luxuries compensates for the physical absence, being the money bank is the only role you got to play and rest will be taken care of typically by the woman folk. Why... don't they have a life of their own to live with? And, if they too are earning, then GOD alone bless the ego clashes, the fight for upper handedness, the lack of time and attention given to the kids, the sapping away of all energy, negative vibes and the frustrations thereon. Have you once realized that it affects the upbringing of children and the environment in the house in general? Gone are the days, when kids had complete attention from their parents and both the sets of grand parents. Today, getting all this even from a single parent itself, is a luxury..!! What's next to nuclear family, DINK, Single MOM's and what after that..?? Ever thought..??!! We are shrinking and isolating ourselves on our own of our own conscious choice but are we aware and prepared for its ramifications..??

In the emotional radar, there are no more open candid exchange of thoughts, expressions of true feelings, et al. They have been buried deep within us inside either due to other priorities or due to incidents of past that bind us to it or our deep urge to surge ahead in the corporate jungle. A relationship needs commitments too. It's a highway..!! Nobody can read anyone else's mind. We always presume that our family and close friends know what we think and feel, when it is untrue. Can you read their minds all the time..?? You do not even have time to pause and check on them genuinely, isn't it..?? Relations are like our principles and values system. Everyone has them but they only mean as much as you are willing to stand for them. In short, emotions and feelings remain unexpressed and pent up within, building a chasm slowly but surely that could destroy you to smithereens when loneliness strikes you. You will not find anyone around to careen and nurture you unless you've preserved all your close relations all the while by playing your role in it full heartedly.

"En route your journey of life when you feel you have reached an end point or when you've reached the nadirs of your life; what is it that you look for?"

This is that point in one's life where you want to walk away from all the melodrama happening around you and be with people who understand you and love you truly and unconditionally; people who will hold your hand, lend a shoulder or guide you showing you HOPE and get you to be on your own again. These people are generally your family or close friends. No one else.

How many times have you to taken a vacation off to a place with your close ones where you have switched off the mobile and e-connectivity and have experienced delightful pleasure being aware to the sensitivities of the vibrations of Mother Nature and lived every moment of your life to the fullest? Noticed the difference ever, eh..??!! There is more to life, much more...

So, what needs to be done..?? It's simple yet difficult but it isn't impossible. Unlike others, I am not preaching for I ain't a preacher; it is only after practising it myself and seeing my anam caras do it that I am sharing this with you. It's something you always knew but never bothered endeavor for you prefered the extrinsic over the intrinsic. We can strike a fine balance amongst all subject to we answering the very question, I started this blog with "What is it that we really want?" Set the priorities, next, set the milestones and tread on a path of your own. Immaterial, whether the road has been frequently or less travelled.

Instead of going by the flow; be the flow...