Saturday, January 29, 2011

EXPECTATION - A Road block!

For a long time, I have given a lot of importance to relations in my life. While I gave all of me into every relation that I made in my life, somewhere in the remote corner of my mind was the creeping fact that I was not getting my due. This nagging thought troubled me a lot for a long time, till a dear friend of mine posed that as a rhetorical before me! For the kind of person I am, I dwelt deep on this and I started questioning myself. Why was I expecting to be reciprocated likewise in the first place? Why was I not just giving my all and getting done with it and by that I mean moving on with my life? In expecting, the reciprocation from the same person on whom I was showering love, care, affection and protection; I was also laying a base pre-condition of that he/she would do the same for me without asking for it. And, when they did not, it left me visibly hurt, affected my emotional balance and other relations. Had it not been for this conversation with this friend of mine, I would never really have accepted the fact that EXPECTATION was the root cause of it all. This perspective and acceptance changed me in a big way..!!

Isn't this a vicious loop where most of us have been and continue to be trapped..??

No one is indispensable in this world except for our parents who are the very reason why we exist. There is no one on this earth whom we could possess/own by any means. If they are ours, they will be ours come what may and if they are not, they are not ours and we must let them go. Once we understand this premise, it is a lot easier for us to go through life when people around us don't want us anymore, or do not give us the attention we seek or when you lose what/who you love most. Just love in abandon, give all that you can and move on for if you do not, you are getting back to the EXPECTATION trap.

Do not bear grudge towards those who are not good to you. Do not go on an overkill when someone does any good to you. He/she would have an ulterior motive behind his/her move or may not at all; that's for time to tell. A genuine word of comfort, a shoulder lent to rest on, an extended hand to tide you through your trying times does not mean love or commitment and that the same would be available always. No one has the responsibility of treating you well, except your parents. Treasure every moment of happiness and "CAN" the rest. At the same time, while you commit to anyone, make sure you honor your word being doubly aware at the same time that it doesn't hold true for the one for whom you are doing it. Reciprocation likewise is ideal but not REAL. Do a reality check and you would realize how true it is. If you don't understand this, you would end up with unnecessary troubles which can best be avoided.

EXPECTATION - is a road block!

Avoid it and life will be a beautiful journey. Life is a circle. Everything that you do will come back to you not necessarily from the same source. Be open to the boundless energies of universe and you will realize how blissful life is..!!

Time waits for no one, so while you are here, make the most of it and give all of you to every one, you never know from where it will come back to you!!

P.S: Dedicated to you Sathya!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Matter of choice..!!

Heck, three decades of life's journey and I didn't know whether I was coming or going..!!

Seen it all... my dad's death right before my eyes, my marriage falling apart in 3 hours (I used to think it only happened in Hollywood..!!), disconnect within family, career swinging uphill and downhill, ghastly accident, financial crisis, betrayal in love, friends who were not really friends, solitude, depression... the list would go on n' on. Hell, I even attempted suicides when I couldn't take it in anymore but I survived. What did I learn from it..?? I was destined to live.

Deep in the rampant carnage of what was left of my so-called "life" that was disintegrating me rapidly, I realized, I had to pause and make sense out of it as it was me and me alone who could get the handle on my life again. Death is an obvious, why then was I running towards it when it was running away from me? Whatever had to happen had happened and it was over. Why then was I not getting over with it? I stepped back and looked around and I saw that I wasn't the lone one going through such a life; some were worser, some better but it was more or less the same everywhere. I started observing, listening, reading, thinking and analyzing more carefully and cautiously. I, also, started sharing with few people who I thought I could strongly connect with. This helped as I gradually stepped out of my shell taking baby steps at a time and started seeing the irony of the situation. It actually wasn't as bad as I used to think it was. Agreed, it's been an experience indeed but I was also evolving with every trying situation with my immunity to handle crisis increasing. I was emerging out stronger as an individual.

One thing came out crystal clear - I had this inherent power within me to bounce back in life. Having realized this, I decided to use this very fact as my base premise and give myself a new lease.

I started writing oft and having written what was running through my mind, I felt a lot lighter within. Out of nowhere strangers from remote parts of world started connected with me through my blogs. WOW... the power and reach of www!! Each had a story of their own to share and it was interesting just getting to know their journey of life. It did not happen overnight, it took me real long and called for a lot of debilitation but I feel it was worth it. I now see myself with a lot more clarity and I have started dealing with situations in a very detached manner making conscious decisions. It was my emotional vulnerability that had caused me my wreckage and my denial to accept reality in the face of it that had complexed my life further. I learnt to shield myself instead of yielding.

A friend of mine gave me this piece of advice which worked MAGICAL for me - It's only a choice to EXPERIENCE all of it and then DECIDE what your life is about. To do this, all you need is to know who you are and the ONLY way to find that out is by living life in time. (I can't THANK you enough...Radhi!!)

While I was trying to grasp the essence and depth of it, I finally heard this voice inside me that said ~
"You'll seek what you want, if you choose to..."

I have now made it my goal to understand life beyond everything else. So long as I am alive, I am going to make the journey worthwhile for me.

As Thomas Kinkade eloquently said, "When we learn to say a deep, passionate yes to the things that really matter, then peace begins to settle onto our lives like golden sunlight sifting to a forest floor."

"Waqt naa yeh rukhta hain, aaj tu jashn mana le..."

P.S: Thanks Vishal, Dilip, Kavita, Bernie, Abhishek!!