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Showing posts from 2010

Life is calling...

I look to the sky, a cloudless sway, put a conch to my ear, a silent sea, strange is life, stranger are its ways... an empty path ahead, that connects to me.
I too, like most of you started my life with a belief and a dream. En route, my journey, I went through a lot. Love, friendship, betrayal, politics, responsibilities, work, success, failure, accidents, happiness, contentment. During the bright phases, I felt on top of the world having made a niche of my own at a young age, being able to weather all storms and provide my family all that I wanted to and living my life to the fullest. The only thing I firmly adhered to was to not let this success hit my head and I clung to the roots, my parents and Alma Mater inculcated in me. During the dark phases that have been more oft and back to back; I felt as if I was being sucked into an endless black hole thinking that I would end. When people whom I thought were mine did not stand by me during my crisis; I felt shattered but each time during …

Road to Perdition or Santiago..??

Three decades of journey and a gritty girl who would make any one say "yes" when they want to say "no", who lived for she believed in fulfilling her dreams, who was terrified within but way too courageous outside, who could take on every strife in life head on has been transformed into being an unusually silent reticent self, who refuses to dream, who does not express emotions in gestures, who does not trust anyone anymore, whose tired eyes are void and filled with pain and who is desperately seeking her calling..!!
She isn't the lone person in the world to have undergone this transformation. We all do. Some show, some conceal, some ignore, some accept and move on. But look around and you will see the same bitterness and emptiness in all kinds of people. Ask anyone, "How are you?", the answer would be "I am fine.", why is it not that "I am happy"? If you insist and ask again,"Are you happy?", the answer would be "I gu…

Dealing with Past..!!

We live in a world in which we're forever juggling demands, but rarely focusing on any one thing for long. Yet, in this very demanding world, very often we come face to face with our past, we find ourselves incapable of overcoming it, leave alone managing to deal with it.
Aaaahh... the quintessential PAST!
We are rarely able to overcome our past no matter how much you try. You either get engulfed in it's emotions or try to ignore by putting it behind you (albeit unsuccessfully!) or casting aside. To keep oneself in the present is a huge challenge and should be undertaken. Of course, the success of such an undertaking is not really guaranteed. Nevertheless, it's a sure step ahead then being lost, rooted and left behind.
Mood swings is a totally different beast altogether. My friend mentioned about having read the works of a few people who suffer from extreme depression and mood swings but are also reasonably intelligent to think about their illness being aware about it in the…

Seasons n' Life..!!

It is November and the rains continue to pour in Bombay ever since the onset of the rainy season in June. In the last three decades of my life, I have never seen this happen. Not having had to go through the October heat has been a definite blessing in disguise. The weather is so pleasant, the smell of wet earth, thrilling and the eerie calmness, exciting; words fall short while expressing this splendour of Mother Nature. I can't say this for others but I certainly feel intoxicated with life when I am enveloped in an atmosphere as such! It brings out the child-woman within me who breaks herself free of all worldy bonds and feels one with herself.
If only, we all could live life so peacefully without having to be tied down with materialism, relationships and other worldy sighs. As Ayn Rand, rightfully questioned "So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?". I am not too sure if there are any real answers to same. Spi…

Peace Unknown

During my stint at Nimbus Communications Ltd., we had 6 months of season and 6 months of off season. Just before the onset of our season for 2010; my office colleagues & I decided to take a break from work and head to Mudis-Allepey-Cochin for 4D/4N trip to recharge ourselves.
I was overtly enthusiastic about the trip as finally I was taking a break from work and all the chaotic life around me. I desperately wanted to be myself. We were told there was no network connectivity till we reach Cochin which we would reach only on the last day. This to me meant absolute bliss. I had yearned for this and finally I was seeing this wish of mine fulfilled.
We reached Mudis on the first night. The journey was in the wilderness in the dark night with animals moving around. We were kicked about initially but then slowly we started having short naps. We reached the guest house late midnight; our short power naps had recharged us and we freshened up to chat throughout the night with energizers at ro…

Born Again...

I looked at world through glass, watching its people pass, I thought nobody would touch me, that I'm safe but the world blew cold, in the depths of my soul, the deed was done, it was too late, menacingly ruthless souls walked all over me, crushing past me as if I am a nobody nowhere!!

It was twilight when I opened my eyes. I don't know how
many hours, I had been unconscious, how many days had passed into oblivion? It had been my decision to do it and I went ahead doing it.
Slowly I woke upto the realization that I was all wired
and tubed with needles poking inside me. I first saw my mom and she appeared completely distraught!! Inspite of the pain in her heart, she was happy I had survived, next was my bro' who seemed as much concerned and there were a team of doctors and nurses. I just photographed this scene and committed it to my memory. Nothing else made sense to me. My head was heavy with abstract collages running in my mind. Simply put, I did'nt know whether I was coming …

Abheda Tattva

I feel immensely challenged especially when trying to figure out what exactly is it that my unquiet mind wants to zero in on but the debilitating effects of prodding a hyper active mind can be catastrophic. When shackles of loneliness contrive to trap the free spirit, perennial friction is bound to ensue.
There are moments when I feel my "Life is calling..." and then there are moments when I feel an unbelievable sense of emptiness and a daunting feeling of being completely overwhelmed. It's like oscillating between the zenith and nadir and yet not finding stable grounds anywhere.
I have realised that priorities in life change when dreams pave way to the harsh realities of reasons of living and get wiped out of existence in the melee of survival. My priorities? Well, they too disappeared when I chose to live the life of a struggler trying to make both ends meet. Do I regret? Yes and No. Yes, because I killed the creative instincts in me and the dearth of it today makes me f…