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Abheda Tattva

I feel immensely challenged especially when trying to figure out what exactly is it that my unquiet mind wants to zero in on but the debilitating effects of prodding a hyper active mind can be catastrophic. When shackles of loneliness contrive to trap the free spirit, perennial friction is bound to ensue.

There are moments when I feel my "Life is calling..." and then there are moments when I feel an unbelievable sense of emptiness and a daunting feeling of being completely overwhelmed. It's like oscillating between the zenith and nadir and yet not finding stable grounds anywhere.

I have realised that priorities in life change when dreams pave way to the harsh realities of reasons of living and get wiped out of existence in the melee of survival. My priorities? Well, they too disappeared when I chose to live the life of a struggler trying to make both ends meet. Do I regret? Yes and No. Yes, because I killed the creative instincts in me and the dearth of it today makes me feel, I should have nurtured it. No because I have been able to provide it all for my family and I have been able to pull them out of every crisis that befell on us. Today, my family is my strength and raison d' etre.

Hurt is maximized when it is caused due to the action or inaction of a loved one. Every time that my heart has been hurt, I have witnessed myriad of emotions surfacing within me defeating me physically, emotionally and psychologically, I now believe hurt and sadness are like fire, you only feel it if you continue to hold it close. Once you learn to let go of it and walk away from it, the pain eventually fades away and the wounds heal with time. But, if you don't, it will sure consume you one day!

It took me three long decades to actually cultivate the emotion of "moving on!". During this final awakening, I made the decision to reclaim complete responsibility for my life. And I did.

I decided then...
>> I had to let the hurt go, and
>> it was time for me to move on, and
>> no man was worthy of the loyalty and sorrow I was feeling, and
>> I am worth much more than anything else, and
>> I had to believe in myself

The pursuit of dwelling deep from the platitude to the unknowns is a journey that we all undertake in our lifetime. Its just that the magnitude and what we imbue from such an experience that varies and seperates each one of us. Such an experience is called as "Acintya Bheda, Abheda Tattva".

Zendagi Migzara...
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Comments

Dan said…
Amen to that sister! Nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling to cope at times... but the good news is that we are SURVIVING and kicking life's butt!
January 21, 2010 at 5:04 AM
~j~ said…
Well, what should I say? Of late, I've been having almost the same thoughts as you... But it's amazing how women have greater strength to cope with all that life throws at them. So, good luck to all of us in life's journeys... And keep the faith!
January 23, 2010 at 12:46 PM
Anonymous said…
Dear Ash,
Very well said and true I have been also through those emotions and your post is helpful in handling those
Cheers
Vish
March 30, 2010 at 1:25 AM
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